Symptoms from Breakups
The first type of symptom is relief. That may sound a bit strange, but you may have experienced this for a short time already if you broke up with her first. If the breakup was mutual, you may have felt “free” or “relieved” for a just a very short time.It may sound crazy to you right now but the reason I bring this symptom up is because she may be the one experiencing it. Sometimes women will think about breaking up for weeks before it happens. Sometimes it has been going on for months but we men often miss the signs.
If there was a lot of fighting or arguing it is only natural for her to feel some relief. If you were overly jealous or possessive, or if you monopolized too much of her time, this too could be the case. Still, the relief may not necessarily last for very long if you do things right.
Don’t get hung up on it. Just be aware of it. It goes both ways because even if she feels relief from time to time, the flip side is that she will sometimes miss you or occasionally wonder whether she did the right thing.
The second group of symptoms is what I call common symptoms. Everyone has at least some of these. In some cases, these symptoms could become an extreme compulsion depending on the degree to which you have them. These more common symptoms are perfectly natural and do not harm the relationship if you handle them correctly. Yet they still harm you if not held in check.
The third types of symptoms are symptoms that hurt you more than the previous symptoms and destroy the possibility of a future relationship with your ex. You can even lump anger, vengeance, and fear, into this group.
These symptoms can range from slightly toxic to very toxic depending on the intensity, frequency, and degree to which you exhibit them. Some of these symptoms only hurt you. Others turn her off and push her away. In her mind, they confirm she made the right choice in breaking up with you. Symptoms that harm you or push her away are toxic symptoms.
Common Symptoms
You have probably experienced several if not most of the common symptoms. Ask yourself these questions. Have you experienced a loss of appetite? Under eating and overeating are both bad things to do. If you are drinking more that is another bad symptom.
Do you find yourself somewhat depressed most of the time? Do you find yourself thinking about her almost constantly, much of the whole time you are awake?
Are you experiencing a lack of motivation or loss of interest in your old hobbies and activities? Are you having difficulties at work such as working slower or not being as attentive?
Do you have extreme anxiety after sending her a text wondering if she will ever reply or wonder why it is taking her so long to reply?
Are you confused, still not understanding what has happened? Are you still in disbelief from her breaking up with you?
It is perfectly okay for these feelings to happen. They are perfectly natural and part of the process. However, a few of them left unchecked could become debilitating and threaten your job or health.
In extreme cases, counseling or professional help could be needed. Although this book will help you to deal with these things it is not a substitute for professional help. If you are losing too much control seek help. Assuming you don’t need help, I will continue.
Have you been asking everyone for advice? Have you been asking both men and women? This is natural but here is the big problem. Most guys don’t really know how to handle women.
The truth is they just got lucky. But since a man seems successful, he will talk as if he knows. All people do this. The problem is his advice could backfire and lessen your chances of success.
As for any women you seek advice from, she may tell you what she wishes a husband would do, or give you some other romantic idea that appeals to her. It may sound like good romantic or even logical advice. But if you follow her advice, you may be shocked to find it does not work either.
What a woman wants in the attraction stage is a bit different from what she wants in the advanced dating process. What she is wanting during the dating stage is not exactly what she wants during a marriage. If you get too far ahead of her, she is gone. Confusion, fear, or misunderstandings will ruin your all your chances.
This does not mean you might not get lucky and have a smart friend who really does know. If you do have such a friend, most of this book will sound very familiar you, but it will still help you. You will be more certain of what you were told. You will be more confident and be able to stick to the process better.
Do you re-play in your mind want went wrong repeatedly? Do you relive the relationship thinking you should have done this or said that? Do you plan what you will say next time you see her? Do you imagine what it will be like?
Although these things are not very helpful, they are still quite normal. You are not crazy. You are not the only one. This happens to a MAJORITY of men, not matter how “bad-ass” they may want to sound or act. I myself once told my friends that, “I let her down easy.” The truth was that she is the one who dumped me.
Are you thinking time will heal? Time may or may not help the issue. It will help you accept things, but not necessarily make you very much better. The depression can still linger. A man can still be depressed and have his confidence shaken well over a year after the woman has long forgotten him. Even up to two years is not so much of an extreme case. She has moved on and he is still in pain. You are going to have to do a little bit of work to prevent that from happening to you. This book can help.
The trick is to lessen these symptoms as much as possible so you can feel good again. Feeling good again will dramatically increase your chances for success with her and in all areas of your life. But you cannot fake it. It must be real. Otherwise she will read it and you will feel it.
(Continued in Part 3)
